Holy Week Journal Reflection - FAQ

I don't often write personal reflections, as I'm usually quite deep into writing sermons for the next week and getting on top of my study.

...honestly, that's probably what I should be doing right now, since most Episcopal priests have no fewer than 4 sermons to write this week for Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, The Easter Vigil (Saturday), and Easter Sunday!

But, someone reached out to ask how I was doing. You know who you are, and you are a saint. And the more I thought about this question, the more complicated it got!

So, I hope you may enjoy a little reflection on how I've been doing the past little bit in the form of a FAQ.

Q: How are you doing?
A: I'm doing fine. And I'm also not. I'm not exactly sure how to even begin to measure how I'm doing.

If we are judging by job performance as a priest, I'm not feeling super great. I feel like I'm failing to gather the community in worship, and that I'm not keeping up with pastoral care, and that I'm not administratively handling the things I should be handling them.

And yet (I'll admit), I feel strangely like I've been working harder than ever before. I feel the same as when Bilbo Baggins quips to Gandalf in The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, "“I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.” My work week has morphed from a normative office time to much closer to a 24/7 on-call at the hospital, stressing out over each communication, responding to my phone with a sinking feeling like someone under my charge will contract a disease to which I won't be able to respond adequately as a pastor.

On the personal side, I feel pretty swell.

Now, admittedly. Having a 4 year-old and a 9 month-old has given me my personal recompense for the sins of MY youth. Never have I admired my mom or dad more than when one becomes the parent of a 4 year-old and I'm like, "Ah, this is what they had to deal with."

But, it has been a time of very intense family time that I really feel has grown my own relationship with my wife and kids. Sure, we drive each other nuts, but we darn love each other.

I think I've learned how to love them better. Even amidst the carrots happily fired into my face by the cute baby boy sitting in his high chair and even the 4 year old girl who insists on wearing her bathing suit all day because, "Its stylish."

Q: What do you do to take care of yourself?
A: Well, I'm pretty eclectic about my hobbies, but the main things I've been doing to keep me grounded have been honing some simple woodworking projects, such as building a square-foot garden from an old fence. I've been in the garage in the evening doing small TLC projects on the Harris fleet of vehicles, like putting an EGR valve on the Dodge, painting the cab of the F100, servicing the Z, weather sealing the Honda, and other things.

In other words, I'm an extrovert desperately channeling my social energy into practical projects that I can share on social media. I repent of my sin of vanity.

Q: Are you scared of the COVID-19 pandemic?
A: No, not really. Actually, yes, quite a lot.

This one is a weird one for me as a pastor.

We are caught between the Cross and the Resurrection in this pandemic, aren't we?

One the one hand, I'm solidly convinced that no matter what befall us, Jesus has got us. That's just a fact.

But on the other hand, I also am terrified of unknowingly getting people sick. Mortally sick.

And yes, it is this way each hour of the day. Its a pretty wild ride in my emotional spectrum, that's for sure.

This is why I highly recommend comedy podcasts. That way, you can at least laugh in the face of death.

Q: What is different about your week than normal.
A: I've basically become a Facebook Live televangelist.

And a Facebook Live theologian.

And I've basically become a live-streamer.

Sign me up for Twitch, and drop me some bits (they who have younger Millenial ears to hear, let them hear).

Q: When do you think we will get back to normal?
A. We won't.

Maybe this is just my own prognosticating, but this experience is going to fundamentally change the way that we live.

I don't think we are going back as it comes to live-streaming our services. Our live-streams have legitimately touched on a pastoral avenue that we as Church have simply not been using enough, and I really do believe we are never going back to "normal."

I also believe that the way that priests practice their vocation is going to shift. Fundamentally, we will remain the same, but in the ways that our fundamental practice bears itself out, we will be profoundly different than we were. Again, we have discovered that the avenue of live-streaming worship has reached WAY more people than we could possibly have imagined.

We ain't goin' back to "normal." But we will move forward being faithful.

___________