Reflecting on Seminary: What I've Learned

"If you die before you die,

then you won't die when you die."

- Inscribed on the wall of St. Paul's Monastery on Mount Athos

There is a Facebook group called "Things They Didn't Teach Us In Seminary" that many of my friends a colleagues post in quite frequently. The group is dedicated to an obvious issue: in what ways does the "normal" life of a congregation surprise and frustrate our limited skill-set. This group, which is comprised of nearly 15,000 members, commonly have lighthearted and funny situations described of the "regular" duties of parish administration that seminary simply does not (and cannot) prepare pastors to handle. Examples of these situation range from the comical to cynical to the tragic:

"Can seminaries offer a course about proper HVAC maintenance? That would be awesome."

"Why can't people in my congregation agree on a budget??? We ALWAYS go through the same fights every year!!!"

"I don't think Jesus cares about what color the carpet is in the children's classroom..."

"Why don't I enjoy being a pastor anymore? Was I called in the first place?"

These, of course, are only a few examples. But it highlights an interesting reality that I myself am getting ready to face: life beyond the walls of seminary. I've been thinking a lot about the things that I will have to learn, all of the new situations, and all of the "Things They Didn't Teach [Me] In Seminary."

However, something else that I've been thinking about is how I myself have been formed and transformed since entering seminary three short years ago. I've been reflecting on what has been life-giving, what has been soul-destroying, and what has been divinely ordained as I have walked the mountain in Sewanee. 

And I've decided that I wanted to share some things that being in seminary has taught me. I want to share some of the things that I believe have changed my life for the better and have equipped me for the ministry that Jesus is calling me to begin in just a few short months.

What Jesus Taught Me in Seminary

1. I'm flippin' YOUNG. And That's Okay. 

As someone who feels the call of Jesus to be an Episcopal priest, I ran into something about myself that I didn't expect to be a personal problem until I got to seminary: the pressure of being young and inexperienced. 

So, I guess this is a confession: I'm a 26 year-old that is pursuing the priesthood in a denomination where the average age of a cleric is about 50.

So...you could say that people my age are slightly out of the ordinary (at this moment in history). 

In a seminary in which I have many second-career colleagues that have also been called by Jesus to the priesthood, I felt internally that I was at a disadvantage in comparison to people who have "been there and done that" in real jobs, such as construction contracting, practicing law, and medical practice.

And yet, through the work of God and the kindness of my colleagues, I have come to realize that everyone who is in seminary has been called by God specifically for the purposes of fulfilling a holy call. I was taught by my friends here in Sewanee that it is not about one's life experience, job titles, or particular prowess in a certain craft.

It is all about answering the mysterious call from God to be a pastor for the good of the Church. And that means that everyone has something to offer.

2. I'm very different than when I arrived 3 years ago. And Jesus had a lot to do with that. 

When I knew I was coming to seminary, I probably had a somewhat biased opinion of what I was going to be doing.

This is in part because my bachelor's degree is in Biblical and Theological Studies from a small (but quite prestigious) university. I certainly had my ideological guards up: "What kind of weird ideas is THIS seminary going to try to shove into my brain?"

It sounds quite childish, but that is really what I thought. 

And yet, the transformation of mind is something that God is always calling Christians to undergo by the power of the Holy Spirit (Romans 12:2). 

And I can say with all seriousness that the person I was in 2014 and the person I am now would have difficulty recognizing each other. But I truly believe this is for the good, and not for the ill. 

Jesus has taught me to be kinder with myself and with others. 

He has taught me how to listen to people and how to love the people that you live around, even when there are some days that classmates get on my nerves.  

I've learned how to listen to God through spiritual discipline and contemplation.

And I've learned the basics of how to be a pretty darn good deacon and priest, God-willing.

More things can be added to the list. But the point is, I've grown as a Christian. And that makes seminary worth the price of admission.

3. I've learned to be silent. 

In a world where I'm constantly ruled by either managing my email, my Facebook and Twitter feeds, or the Youtube channels that I love so much, there has been little silence in my life. I mean, I don't have to choose to be silent; instead, I could be doing something more interesting or meaningful with my downtime, right?

Maybe not. 

This may be an unpopular opinion, but I've become convinced that the practice of silence may be one of the keys to restoring people's awareness of God in the world. And this is coming from someone who is terrible at taking time to be silent. 

I love my X-Box, with all of the incredible games, like Fallout 4 and Destiny 2. I like my Youtube, with the billions of hours of content that I could discover at any moment.

Yet, what am I losing by filling my life with the noise and rabble of instant connection? I was forced to come face to face with what I was losing out on in my time spent at my seminary chapel:

I was missing out on a sure-fire way to become aware of how thick the presence of Jesus can be if I stop to spend some time with Him. 

I've learned how to be silent in my daily prayers, realizing that I often do not know how to pray as I ought (Romans 8:26). 

I've learned to be silent before the Blessed Sacrament and listen to the immense silence of God Almighty.

And I've learned to be silent with others, to love who God has made them to be, and to learn to love them without condition and without intrusion.

4. I've got a lot more to learn.

Perhaps this is where the "Things They Didn't Teach Us In Seminary" Facebook page is totally applicable to seminary itself. 

The fact is, no one can be totally prepared for the mystery of ministry. And that is actually more comforting than it is scary. 

There will always be areas in which I have no experience or expertise. And that is why the Church as an assembly is so important to me: we are all inter-dependent and we all need each other.

And in that way, seminary has prepared me both to succeed and fail well. Success is what we all want, that's for sure. But I believe I've been prepared to fail in a manner that is worthy of the Gospel by how God has shaped me in my time in seminary. 

I've sorta arrived at a simple fact: worldly success is overrated. Following Jesus and doing the right thing is why I came to seminary. I pray I will be part of the work that sees the Church grow and flourish in the U.S. and in the world. 

I feel quite prepared to be a good and faithful priest in God's Church. 

But whatever my purpose is in this time, one thing is for certain: its going to be a wild ride. 

Conclusion

There are plenty of things that I could wish that seminary had been for me; but the simple fact is that I have been transformed and formed by the Christian community that I have grown to know and love here on the Cumberland Plateau. 

There will be many more times where I'll have to continue to learn and grow. But for the moment, I'm simply thankful.

Thankful to the work and love that my pastors, priests, and teachers have passed on to me, a small-town kid from the middle of Arkansas. 

Thankful for the lifelong friends and colleagues that I have met.

And thankful for the beginning of an exciting life in service of God and His Church: whatever that may entail.

"We do not live to ourselves, and we do not die to ourselves. If we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord; so then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s." 

- Romans 14:7-8