Doin' Seminary: Tips for Clinical Pastoral Education

The sisters [Martha and Mary] sent word to Jesus, saying, "Lord, the one you love is sick." - John 11:3

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THIS SUMMER, I participated in a program called Clinical Pastoral Education, or CPE. This program puts clergy and clergy-in-training into a hospital setting as a sort of "trial by fire." We were asked to care for the spiritual and emotional needs of hundreds of patients that came through our doors while also learning about ourselves and about what makes us "tick."

There were many important things that I learned through this wonderful program, but I would like to share just a few insights that may capture a picture of what this training was like for me. All of these are things that I find personally helpful, and I hope that it may be helpful to the reader as well!

1. CPE was about MY learning in the hospital setting. 

During CPE, I was a part of a CPE small group in which I presented these fancy things called "verbatims." Verbatims are the written versions of real life encounters that we had with our patients. We would present these encounters to our small group and receive feedback from the group about our encounter. My group was extremely supportive, which cannot always be said for CPE, and having a supportive small group really helped me learn about myself in a positive fashion.

Going into CPE, I was quite nervous. I did not know how to be a chaplain in a hospital! Our Lord knows that I was scared to death about going into a patient's room uninvited, ESPECIALLY if the door was closed. What if I messed up? What if I didn't do my job? What if they didn't even want me there?

These were questions that swirled in my head for the first few weeks as a chaplain. Yet, in my third week, my small group really pushed me about letting go of these worries. Goodness, am I glad that they pushed me, because when I let go of these worries, I began to learn more about my own pastoral presence. God had already prepared me to be the manifestation of Jesus to these people and all I needed to do was to trust that I was enough. 

So, if you go through CPE, remember that it is about YOUR learning. It is not primarily about how good or bad of a job you do. You WILL mess up. 

But God will always catch you. Our Lord is pretty great at resurrection. 

2. You will come face-to-face with Death. Yet, perhaps most especially in Death, God is there.

I have seen more death this summer than I have ever seen in my life. I have seen 90-year-old grandmothers pass peacefully with their family near. And I have also seen the crisis and grief of a father whose 6-month-old son died for seemingly no medical reason. In all of these situations, I learned that there is very little that I can say or do to make their pain go away. As much as I wanted to, I could not bring their loved ones back.

Yet, I have never felt God move more clearly and viscerally than at the moments where souls pass into eternity. When I was in the Intensive Care Unit, there was a man who was about to be removed from life support. I went in with the grieving family and it was apparent that they did not want to talk to a chaplain. I'm still unclear if they even wanted me in the room. 

Yet, I stayed in the room at the foot of the bed, putting my hand on the shoulders of those who were weeping for their loved one about to die. When the doctors removed his life support, he passed quickly and peacefully. The moment when he passed, the family who had been distant from me were all of a sudden hugging me and thanking me for all that I had done for them. 

But I didn't do anything except stand there! And that is the point: BE PRESENT.

My presence alone is not worth much. But God's presence in and through me was what the family saw. Clearly they responded to God's presence and I'm glad that I was a simple conduit for Jesus to work through.

AND FINALLY

3. Pray.

If there is one piece of advice that I could give about CPE, it is this: pray. Make prayer to God a PRIORITY in your life. Looking back in retrospect at my CPE experience, the most important thing I learned is that to survive in full-time ministry, I DESPERATELY NEEDED to pray.

Prayer is sometimes the only thing that I could offer to the families that I visited. Yet, prayer is sometimes exactly what they need. There was a woman who had not only lost many family members recently, but she was also hospitalized with anemia with no idea how long she would have to stay. She was very angry with God. She has been a devout Catholic all of her life, but the weight of the grief and anger was making her feel distant from God. She asked me to pray for her, because, "Lord knows that I can't pray right now. I haven't been able to. I'm just too angry." When we prayed, I prayed a traditional prayer about Blessed Mary's sorrow at the crucifixion of Our Lord. We both sat in the silence of a mother's sorrow for her Son. Then we finished the prayer with the reality of Jesus's resurrection. 

After the conclusion of the prayer, I left briefly to retrieve a Bible for the woman. To my great joy, she told me that, while I was gone, she was able to pray to God again after I had left! The woman reconnected with God who had already extended His hands to her and brought her close. The woman thanked me for helping her pray again.

But we all know it wasn't just me who was doing some holy work in that room!

Conclusion

CPE was a trying and emotionally draining experience. But it was hands down the best thing that I have done in seminary thus far. 

Learning the Bible is important. 

Doing your homework is important. 

But doing the holy and dirty work of ministry is what it is all about after all. 

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"Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink?  When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?"

The King will reply, "Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me." - Matthew 25:37-40